still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
