I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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