I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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