i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
