The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
