You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
