I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
