I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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