My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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