Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
