I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
