I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
