i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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