I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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