Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
