i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
