my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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