She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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