the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
