PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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