Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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