she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
