You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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