now i know why i became what i already was.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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