Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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