and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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