the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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