Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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