Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
