Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
