I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
