Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
