that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
