a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
