just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
