hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
