Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
FUCK WHALES
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
