Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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