I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
