I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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