we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
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How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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