weddingsv make me drug and hornr
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
