Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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