I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
