Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
