You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
