ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
