just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
