I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
