Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize