After last night, I could never be a politician.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
