drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
