Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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