oh god the rape fog is back!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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