The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
