Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
