my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
