Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
