Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
