I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
