My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
