we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
