Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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