that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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