what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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