I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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