Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
