She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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