Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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