hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
